I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing this situation with your mom. It can be hurtful and frustrating when a loved one consistently says negative things about us, especially when we believe we're doing our best. While I don't have specific information about your mother's intentions or feelings, I can offer some possible reasons why she might be behaving this way:
Unconscious behavior: Sometimes, people may say negative things about others without even realizing the impact of their words. It could be a habit or something they learned from their own upbringing.
Expectations and standards: Your mom might have specific expectations or standards for certain tasks, and even if you do them, she may not be fully satisfied because they don't meet her ideal criteria.
Communication style: Some individuals tend to focus on negative aspects as a way of venting or seeking validation from others. They may not be aware of how their comments affect you.
Projection: In some cases, people project their own insecurities or dissatisfaction onto others. It's possible that your mom is projecting her feelings about herself onto you and criticizing you as a result.
Seeking empathy or support: By pointing out your shortcomings, she might be trying to seek empathy or support from others in the family, using your perceived flaws as a way to bond with them.
Emotional expression: People may express negative emotions in various ways, including talking about others in a critical manner. It doesn't justify the behavior, but it could be a way for her to cope with her emotions.
Miscommunication: There might be a misunderstanding or miscommunication between you and your mom, and she might not be aware of your efforts to cook and wash dishes.
Regardless of the reasons, it's essential to address this issue and communicate openly with your mom about how her comments make you feel. Here are some suggestions for approaching the situation:
Choose the right time and place: Find a calm and private moment to talk to your mom about your feelings without distractions or interruptions.
Use "I" statements: Instead of accusing or blaming her, express your emotions using "I" statements. For example, say, "I feel hurt when I hear negative comments about my cooking because I try my best."
Share your efforts: Let her know about the efforts you've been putting into cooking and washing dishes. Help her understand your perspective.
Ask for her perspective: Respectfully ask her why she makes such comments and try to understand her point of view without becoming defensive.
Set boundaries: If her comments are hurtful, establish boundaries and let her know that you would appreciate more positive and supportive feedback.
Seek support if needed: If the situation becomes too overwhelming, consider talking to a family counselor or therapist who can provide guidance and mediation.
Remember that it's essential to approach the conversation with empathy and a willingness to listen to her side as well. Open communication can help bring understanding and potentially improve your relationship.